Vikings: The War of the Thrones
by The Auteur
Summary: The dust settles many years after Stannis has won the the Iron Throne. Now, he and his children must face a dangerous new enemy.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1: The Reign of Stannis and Gender Inequality in Medieval Times

Many years have passed since the vikings went to war. Through many trials and tribulations, Stannis Baratheon has finally become King of France and driven the perfidious English from the continent. Through His glorious will, King Stannis the Stampedier imposed his power also over the Burgundians and burned down all of the vikings' homelands so that they may never again lay siege to his own. Stannis had three daughters: Elyzybyth, Lyana, and Myrya. I am Myrya. And this is my story.

My life has been hard. The lyfes of all women are hard in medyeval times. (Auteur's note: the 'i's in those words were replaced with 'y's because GRRM loves to do that to character's names to make them sound more fanciful. Obviously, if you are a big enough fan to be reading fanfiction, then you must be accustomed to this sort of behavior, so I have decided to replicate it here to make you all feel more at home.) But the medieval times are over and we have the enlightenment of the Renaissance to rejuvenate us against past injustice to finally achieve Equality. We do not have obligations to our pasts. The Talmud tells us so.

My maid Julia came in to my room as I awoke. She had brought me a plate of heaping sweet rolls. I ate all seven sweet rolls, dedicating each to one of the 7 gods, but also to the past dead who helped save us today. I dedicated one to Jon Snow, who died in battle against Stannis. I dedicated one to Sansa, who was murdered by Ilyn Payne. I dedicated one to the woman Queen of the English because I admired her equality. I dedicated one to the vikings because I felt sorrow for what Stannis did to them. I dedicated one to Julia, for she gave me the sweet rolls. I dedicated one to Stannis for taking over France and kicking out the English. I dedicated the last one to myself for pulling through tough times.

Today was the day. Father had called me and my sisters to Versailles in order to lecture us on our roles to the French monarchy. Since I was a morally righteous and highly intelligent and emotionally strong girl, father saw me as the most useful of us siblings. He sent me to learn royal sowing at westminster abbey. Elyzybyth wasn't looked highly upon by father or anyone because she was mentally retarded although with a high mental-emotional IQ. He forced her to become a nun at Sweden. Lyana was sent as a sign of friendship to the Spanish King Chales II to be his sexy maid.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: If It Feels Good, Do It

Westminster abbey. Hard work. Mean nuns. I couldn't take it but one day, I had an experience that made me feel better. A boy named Romyo was sent to learn to sow here as well. One of the nuns had the audacity to ask him, "Why would a boy need to learn to sow?" My rage bottled up and I couldn't restrain it, I put that stuck up bitch in her place, "Just because he has a penis doesn't make him a boy and it doesn't mean he shouldn't have the right to do what he wants. It it feels good, do it." Romyo looked at me and said, "Nice." It is at this moment that I knew we were in love. All the young girls wooped and clapped at my statement. They laughed and threw yarn balls and staplers at the old bitch nun. Ownage. Progress. Romyo became my boyfriend and had sex with me back at my dorm right after we destroyed the bigoted nun.

The next day, our world was tipped upside down.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: War of Spanish Bigotry

A cannon blew up the wall of my bedroom as I was experimenting sexually with Romyo. It was Spain. They had laid siege to Westminster abbey. Four elite cornet cavalrymen clad in full plate armor stormed in the room with the intent to kill us all. Romyo stood up and sliced them up with four quick swipes of his knife. I ran over and grabbed my yarn and made a bow and arrows. The nuns grabbed their weapons and ran towards the Spanish but were cut down by the Spanish's new weapon: the gun. The Spanish general used his trumpet as a mega phone and said, "How do you homos like our new weapon? It was invented by our king Charles II, better known as King Spannis the Stammerer. It's called the gun." I finished with the bow and was able to shoot the guns out of their hands Romyo ran up and wiped out the three Tercio formations with his sword, all 9,000 of the men. The evil Spanish used this inappropriate device to kill the aztecs.

Julia came up to us and told us that Stannis was shot to death after he faced the Spannis. He tried to use Elyzybyth as a human shield and she was killed too. I couldn't contain my rage and hit Julia. I ran off into the woods crying and Romyo followed me.

Romyo was able to comfort me and we snuck passed the Spanish armies and arrived at Madrid within a few days. We went into King Charles' castle and got to the throne room. I was shocked at what I saw. There, on the bloody carpet, was Lyana laying there bloody and raped to death. I couldn't contain my rage and shot an arrow at Charles. He laughed and pulled out a pistol and shot the arrow out of the air. He then shot Romyo in the leg, paralyzing him. He walked up to me and screamed, "I'm yo keeng pahsahnt bow down now!" He prepared to shoot me in the face, but I countered, "You know what asshole? You can't just go around imperializing others and hunting down innocent women. Your hateful kind makes me sick. It's time for payback." I smiled and grabbed his gun and ripped it out of his hands and broke it. In the commotion of the Spanish armies invading France, some aztec rebels snuck into the capital. They burst into the room and sodomized Charles. The dumb-dumb racist screamed but they wouldn't stop. I even let an aztec impregnate me. This was a happy moment, and in the movie adaptation happy music will play in the background. They used voodoo magic to turn Charles into a little blob that would live forever and feel/sense nothing but extreme pain.


	4. Ending

Ending: Now, and Forever

Romyo has come out as trans* now. We are married and she is happy to raise my mixed race babby. We live in a mansion paid for by the French government as a reward for bringing positive social change, as well as our unshakable faith in the righteous commands of the Talmud. Spain has become a colony of Mexico and all guns were melted down. Me and Romyo have sex all day and there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to stop us.


End file.
